Up INTRODUCTION DESCRIPTION MARRIED COUPLES MATERIALS SAUT ORDERING

"And the two shall become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31).

SUMMARY

We know from experience how difficult it is for the couples who present themselves for marriage to "become one." It is only occasionally that we have the privilege of preparing a man and a woman who are undamaged by previous relationships, who come from homes where genuine Christian marriage was modeled, and who have learned through Christian service how to serve each other with love and discipline instead of pursuing their own self-interests. This kind of couple is the exception in this day, especially in a church that has an effective outreach to the unchurched.

How can the church provide premarital preparation for the majority that come with a poor prognosis for successful, godly unions? Most elders and pastors are already overburdened with administrative duties, sermon preparation, and crisis counseling. Where can they find the time that it is necessary to spend with each couple in order to understand their backgrounds, to meet their needs for discipling and counsel, to give them the new instruction that is essential, and, finally, to hold them accountable for the changes required before they take up the responsibility of marriage? This process will take time and it must be individualized. The task cannot be accomplished through two or three counseling sessions, a series of video tapes, or a weekend group experience.

The Right Start premarital program was developed and updated in a church setting over a period of 24 years to address the challenge of adequately preparing couples for marriage. This is accomplished by offering the inducement and opportunity for life change to take place, rather than by merely delivering a soon-to-be-forgotten cognitive challenge. The program is intensive for the couple, not the elder or pastor. Typically, the couple is involved in the overall Right Start program for at least six months. During this same time, the elder's or pastor’s part is usually a single meeting to evaluate giving his permission for the couple to set a wedding date. Later he will be involved in the planning of the wedding ceremony.

CONTENT

The content of Right Start thoroughly covers the biblical teaching on the marital union, the biblical admonitions on interpersonal relationships, and the skills required for a productive marriage. However, if that were all, this preparation could very well prove inadequate. Right Start proceeds to a deeper level.

In every lesson the focus is on the foundational values and commitments of the man and woman preparing for marriage. Repeatedly the core issue is exposed: whether or not each is focused on being personally fulfilled, or, because of a profound experience with Christ, is instead empowered to be other-directed. Prospective marital partners are challenged to prepare to serve each other as Christ sacrificially served us. The very low divorce rate of Right Start graduates—in the single digits1—testifies to the merit of dedication to this principle, and to the worth and efficacy of the approach. (Another 5 to 15 percent per class have opted to discontinue their relationships because they were unwise, thus avoiding the destructive damage of divorce.)

MENTORING

Right Start achieves the unburdening of the elder or pastor without diluting standards of excellence by using "equipped saints" (Ephesians 4:11-13) as mentors, trained couples who serve under the supervision of an elder or  pastor. The mentors' supporting, encouraging, and loving relationship provides the preparing couple with the positive context needed to foster substantive marital preparation. The mentors hold the couple accountable for the changes required before they take up the responsibility of marriage.

The mentoring relationship builds on the foundation of classroom or self-study instruction in the biblical principles of marriage, and on the thorough, written self-examination of all aspects of the couple’s prospective shared commitment. After examining the couple's written work, the mentors can focus on the areas of greatest need.

The chief impact of Right Start comes from the five or more appointments each couple has with their mentors. The profound influence of the couple's  relationship with godly mentors is the true power of this program.

FLEXIBILITY

The Right Start premarital material may be used effectively in programs of all sizes: individual counseling, the large church setting, or a central location selected by a consortium of smaller local churches. Right Start is also effective in campus, military, and other parachurch ministries, and missions. When only one or a few couples are involved, the program may be administered by a counselor, elder, or pastor as a self-study program, with each  couple using the Right Start Student Workbook CD. When a sufficient number of couples is being prepared for marriage, a classroom program may be warranted. See Self-Study Program or Classroom Program.

The Right Start program is responsive to the diverse needs of churches and counselors. It is designed to be flexible in both content and educational method. The materials are delivered as CDs containing PDF files for both the man's computer and the woman's computer. They may exchange their completed homework with each other and their mentors by email.

In recognition of the fact that each church has differing policies about marriage, with the book Marriage Preparation: How To Give Couples The Right Start, we include a CD containing samples of all the administrative documents, policies, and forms useful for conducting a program. These are in Word Perfect and Word for Windows formats.  The purchaser of this book is granted a specific license to revise the documents on the CD. In addition, permission is granted to use the name Right Start for the local program by adding the words to the name of the church or organization, as in "Local Community Church Right Start."

With the church’s purchase of each Mentors’ Manual CD, or Student Workbook CD, a license is granted to reproduce enough of this revised material to customize or augment these CDs. This locally-generated (or revised) material would augment the General Information Section of the church’s Mentors’ Manual CDs and be used with its version of the Student  Workbook CDs. The CD cases have room for an additional CD. In addition, a license is granted to copy and use the administrative and registration materials for the benefit of the users of  Student Workbook CDs.

SUGGESTED METHOD OF EVALUATION

The best way to become fully acquainted with the Right Start program—and to assess its potential usefulness in his church or organization—is for the evaluator to personally conduct a couple through the program. The evaluator will be guided in his mentoring by the Right Start Mentors’ Manual CD,  while the couple will use the Right Start Student Workbook CD.

1 Out of over 800 couples in the church where the program was developed