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"And the two shall
become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31).
SUMMARY
We know from experience how difficult it is for the couples
who present themselves for marriage to "become one." It is only
occasionally that we have the privilege of preparing a man and a woman who are
undamaged by previous relationships, who come from homes where genuine Christian
marriage was modeled, and who have learned through Christian service how to
serve each other with love and discipline instead of pursuing their own
self-interests. This kind of couple is the exception in this day, especially in a
church that has an effective outreach to the unchurched.
How can the church provide premarital preparation for the
majority that come with a poor prognosis for successful, godly unions? Most
elders and pastors are already overburdened with administrative duties, sermon preparation,
and crisis counseling. Where can they find the time that it is necessary to
spend with each couple in order to understand their backgrounds, to meet their
needs for discipling and counsel, to give them the new instruction that is
essential, and, finally, to hold them accountable for the changes required
before they take up the responsibility of marriage? This process will take time
and it must be individualized. The task cannot be accomplished through two or
three counseling sessions, a series of video tapes, or a weekend group
experience.
The Right Start premarital program was developed
and updated in a church
setting over a period of 24 years to address the challenge of adequately
preparing couples for marriage. This is accomplished by offering the inducement
and opportunity for life change to take place, rather than by merely delivering
a soon-to-be-forgotten cognitive challenge. The program is intensive for the
couple, not the elder or pastor. Typically, the couple is involved in the overall Right
Start program for at least six months. During this same time, the elder's or pastor’s
part is usually a single meeting to evaluate giving his permission for the
couple to set a wedding date. Later he will be involved in the planning of the
wedding ceremony.
CONTENT
The content of Right Start thoroughly covers the biblical teaching on
the marital union, the biblical admonitions on interpersonal relationships, and the
skills required for a productive marriage. However, if that were all, this
preparation could very well prove inadequate. Right
Start proceeds to a deeper level.
In every lesson the focus is on the foundational values and
commitments of the man and woman preparing for marriage. Repeatedly the core issue
is exposed:
whether or not each is focused on being personally fulfilled, or,
because of a profound experience with Christ, is instead empowered to be other-directed.
Prospective marital partners are challenged to prepare to serve each other as
Christ sacrificially served us. The very low divorce rate of Right Start
graduates—in the single digits1—testifies to
the merit of dedication to this principle, and to the worth and efficacy of
the approach. (Another 5 to 15 percent per class have opted to discontinue their
relationships because they were unwise, thus avoiding the destructive damage of divorce.)
MENTORING
Right Start achieves the unburdening of the elder or pastor without
diluting standards of excellence by using "equipped saints"
(Ephesians 4:11-13) as mentors, trained couples who serve under the
supervision of an elder or pastor. The mentors' supporting, encouraging, and loving relationship
provides the preparing couple with the positive context needed to foster
substantive marital preparation. The mentors hold the couple accountable for the changes
required before they take up the responsibility of marriage.
The mentoring
relationship builds on the foundation of classroom or self-study instruction in the biblical
principles of marriage, and on the thorough, written self-examination of all aspects of the
couple’s prospective shared commitment. After examining the
couple's written work, the mentors can focus on the areas of greatest need.
The chief impact of Right Start comes from the five or more
appointments each couple has with their mentors. The profound influence of the
couple's relationship with godly mentors is the true power of this program.
FLEXIBILITY
The Right Start premarital material may be used effectively in programs of all sizes:
individual counseling, the large church setting, or a central location
selected by a consortium of smaller local churches. Right Start is also
effective in campus, military, and other parachurch ministries, and missions.
When only one or a few couples are involved, the program
may be administered by a counselor, elder, or pastor as a self-study program, with
each couple using the Right Start Student Workbook CD. When a sufficient number of couples
is being prepared for marriage, a classroom program may be warranted. See
Self-Study Program or Classroom
Program.
The Right Start program is responsive to the diverse needs
of churches and counselors. It is designed to be flexible in both content and
educational method. The materials are delivered as CDs containing PDF files
for both the man's computer and the woman's computer. They may
exchange their completed homework with each other and their mentors by email.
In recognition of the fact that each
church has differing policies about marriage, with the book
Marriage Preparation: How To Give Couples The Right Start, we include a CD containing
samples of all the administrative
documents, policies, and forms useful for conducting a program. These are in Word Perfect and Word for Windows
formats. The purchaser of this book is granted a specific license to revise the documents on the
CD. In
addition, permission is granted to use the name Right Start for the local
program by adding the words to the name of the church or organization, as in "Local
Community Church Right Start."
With the church’s
purchase of each Mentors’ Manual CD, or Student Workbook
CD, a license is granted to reproduce enough of this revised material
to customize or augment these CDs. This locally-generated (or revised) material would
augment the General Information Section of the church’s Mentors’
Manual CDs and be used with its version of the Student Workbook
CDs. The CD cases have room for an additional CD. In addition, a license is granted to copy and use the
administrative and registration materials for the benefit of the users of Student
Workbook CDs.
SUGGESTED METHOD OF EVALUATION
The best way to become fully acquainted with the
Right Start
program—and to assess its potential usefulness in his church or organization—is
for the evaluator to personally conduct a couple through the program. The
evaluator will be guided in his mentoring by the Right Start Mentors’ Manual
CD,
while the couple will use the Right Start Student Workbook CD.
1 Out of over
800 couples in the church where the program was developed
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